Invisible Monsters Quotes Chapter 1

Nobody’s all the way dead yet, but let’s just say that the clock is ticking.

Shotgunning anybody in this room would be the moral equivalent of killing a car, a vacuum cleaner, a barbie doll. Erasing a computer disk. Burning a book. Probably that goes for killing anybody in the world. We’re all such products.

It’s not that I’m some detached lab animal just conditioned to ignore violence, but my first instinct is maybe it’s not too late to dab club soda on the bloodstain.

Give me lust, baby.
Flash.
Give me malice.
Flash.
Give me detached existentialist ennui.
Flash.
Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.
Flash.

It’s all mirror, mirror, on the wall because beauty is power the same way money is power the same way a gun is power.

“This is your last chance, honey, do you really love me?” It’s when folks ask questions like this that you lose the spotlight.

I don’t know what I want

When I was 14, I wished I was pretty enough to have constant attention from everyone.

I’m 19, I have that attention, but it doesn’t make me happy.

When I was 6, I wish I was rich so that I could buy anything I wanted.

I’m 19, I can get anything I want, but that doesn’t make me happy.

When I was 13, I wished I had a boyfriend who loved me and sent me flowers and thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world.

I’m 19, I can get a boyfriend, but I really wonder if that’ll make me happy.

When it comes down to it, I’m happy because I’m blessed beyond words by my Creator, and I have the love and companionship of the ones I love.

These include, inter alia, Miyo, Sharon, Alex, Pam, Joanne, and the Trust Fund Brats.

Everything else in my life can be replaced, will be considered nothing but trash in a few years. Not these people. No one can take them away from me.

Kebab Philosophy

“Tell me, what’s it like being in love?”

We were having lunch on a tranquil street while watching a man feed pigeons. She paused to think, her eyes glistening with peace.

“It’s like… having this really good friend, whom you can see everyday, and when you do, the happiness is so much greater. And there’s less rage and anger at the world in general.”

“Really?” I raised an eyebrow. “It’s been so long since I’ve felt any romantic feelings for someone. I treat my lovers like I treat my food: I pick a little bit here and a little bit there, so I never get bored.”

We were obviously foxes in two different conditions; she had been tamed, and I hadn’t.

20 Things About Bea

1. I love my life, friends and family.

2. I love food and music.

3. My level of Mandarin proficiency surprises many.

4. Photography is something that fascinates me no end.

5. I like French stuff. French food, French cinema, Frenchmen (lol had to throw that one in).

6. I walk more than you ever will.

7. I spend most of my waking life in bookstores.

8. Orange is my favourite color although you’ll never see me wear it.

9. Eyesight: L-3.75, R-3.75

10. When I cross dress I look completely like a boy.

11. I want to live in a shop house when I grow up.

12. I want to have a pet llama so I can train it to spit at people I don’t like.

13. Two places I will miss when I leave Singapore: the beach and Arab street.

14. Ever since reading Heidi, I wanted to sleep in an attic every night.

15. I like men with thick dark glasses and chiselled jawlines.Very sexy.

16. My blood type is B+.

17. I have a phobia of dragonflies.

18. I also have a phobia of crowds.

19. The Godfather will always be one of my favourite books.

20. I have callouses from walking and jogging too much.

Protected: Save the Present with Advice from the Future

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Last Post of the Year

Now, more than ever do I need the companionship of my true friends. It’s ironic that the more ostentantatious my life becomes, the emptier it is.

Several months ago, I was as happy as any 19 year old could be. My exams were over, my friends were around and no responsibilities. I literally could not ask for more.

Then when it came to the year’s end, I took up modelling. It wasn’t as if it was anything new to my lifestyle; I had done some work 2 years ago and partying was already in my weekly schedule.

But my once carefree nature had become replaced with apprehension. Instead of just enjoying the company of people around me, I grew wary and suspicious of them. I’d always be afraid that they’d act like I was the Queen of England to my face and go on to bitch about me after that. I never really liked to bring up the topics of drinking or partying because the moment I mention “VIP”, their entire disposition changes and they’re acting like they know me their whole lives.

Affluence is a prison. They pay us good money, put us on the guest list, but life is so lonely. Nobody wants to be your friend, they all want to be taken care of. They want to feel glamorous, just like you.

There was once I didn’t like telling people that I was a law student, as they would immediately ask me about lawyer stuff which I couldn’t care less about, even more so during parties. They’d use big words to convince you that they were capable of holding an argument. Entirely farcical.

Now I don’t like telling people that I am a model. To guys, model = top quality trophy girlfriend. Just ask Zach; that was the reason why he dumped his first steady for me, certainly not for my witty banter or bright smile.

But what can I say? This is the life I chose for myself. Sure, it has its perks and its uber fun times, yet all in all I have to admit that I was more content as a nobody. That way, only people who really gave a damn would talk to me, not just some random douchebag who wanted free entry into Butter.

Tiredtiredtired

I want to eat everything. I feel like slimer.

Several Reasons Why I Hate You

Almost all the time, you tell yourself you’re loving somebody when you’re just using them. This only looks like love. -Chuck Palahniuk

1. You don’t care, but what’s worse is that you pretend to care.

2. You’re incredibly sad, dull and boring.

3. You can’t take a hint.

4. You’re a douchebag in human clothing.

5. I’m forced to be someone I’m not when I’m with you.

6. It was vile, and it was cheap.

7. You take me for granted.

8. I was going along fine minding my own business until you had to fuck up friday.

9. You can’t love or accept me for who I am.

10. I hate that I was right AND wrong. I was right because I knew you couldn’t keep a meeting to save your life, and I was wrong because I thought you were different and that you cared.

Fornicate the World

and the world fornicates you back.

One night, right after etiquette class, she came over for the night because of a stalker hanging outside her gate and her parents weren’t around. We lay side by side, spilling out everything we’ve been through that we dared not tell anyone else for fear of disbelief.

In the story Matilda by Roald Dahl, the Trunchbull gets away with horrendous child abuse by going the whole hog. Swing a girl by her pigtails across the school yard. Throw a boy out of the 3rd storey window for eating licorice during class. That way, nobody complained because it was way too bizarre for anyone’s parents to absorb. That was how we saw our lives unfolding before us.

She has always been the wisest of my friends, and it never abated. Experience teaches us things that we never forget. People can always give us advice, but it never really sinks in. We just nod and acknowledge it, only to forget it when the problem stares you right in the face. Nothing makes us memorise things better than trauma. Her wisdom was for a great price, one that no one should ever have to live through.

My fragility of that moment was tangible, and the listener could take full advantage of that in a heartbeat. But instead, she continued to listen. She empathised.

“Sure, you may have gotten places and free rides. But later on in life, you’re gonna look back at what you did, and you’re gonna have to figure out whether you can respect the person you’ve become.”

“I don’t even like me now, what makes you think I’ll like myself later?”

“It’s your choice to make. You can always say no.” I felt like screaming inside. Not because I didn’t accept it, but because I knew she was right. There’s always a choice.

But at the same time, if she didn’t do what she did to me 6 years ago, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. She inaugruated me into the ways of this world. She told me change my attitude. And I did.

This same person, who changed my life so much for the better, now turns around and says, ” I am socially awkward. I can’t connect with people around me.”

Now was the time to be honest. “You are NOT socially awkward. In fact, you know more about people than anyone will ever learn. If you didn’t teach me that lesson, I’d never have known how to deal with people. And for that I thank you. You made such a huge impact in my life. You are special, and I don’t mean it in the stupid Adam Khoo I-am-unique-and-so-are-you-bullshit way.”

She laughed. I haven’t heard that sound for a long time; she was the one who always cracked the jokes.

Girl about town 2: I can’t believe she wore THAT dress with THOSE shoes!

Now, young grasshopperettes, that you’ve mastered the art of self confidence, and you are very comfortable in your own skin, it’s now time to wrap up that fabulous you in pretty wrapping!

Yup, this is gonna be Lesson #2: APPREARANCE

Keep in mind, I am not undoing my last lesson by focusing on appearance. Confidence will get you friends, and appearances will get you admirers. You don’t have to be as hot as Jessica Biel to be an It Girl, but it would definitely cement your position. I must admit, a good part of this mainly depends on good genes and habits.

Let me start off by saying that I was born fat. Yup, my weight at birth was 4.8kg, the norm being around 3kg. I always envied my friends who would eat anything and still remain stick thin. Boys would make fun of me (the same boys who now call me out for a ‘primary school reunion’). Friends who have known me a long time like Miyo can testify to my past girth.

How did I lose the weight? Honestly speaking, not via the best methods. Some time in April, during my break up with Zach, I had already started starving myself. In fact, my starvation began a few weeks before we actually ended it. That’s why I tell my friends sardonically, “You want to get thinner? Just find an asshole, make him your boyfriend, let him treat you like crap. I promise you that the weight will come off in no time.”

Now, I keep the weight off by eating as healthily as I can and through exercise (this will come in another post). Although I’m nowhere near haute couture thin, I have a new confidence and energy about myself. Schenelle and Sharon say that now I glow from within. I totally feel new!

Ah, time for my favourite part: dress sense. Don’t show up looking like Ronald McDonald and expect to be treated like the party (unless of course, you ARE in fact at your 8 year old cousin’s birthday lunch, then yeah, you pretty much are the party). Dress to impress and dress for the occasion. Show some skin at clubs, but cover up your damn cleavage at work or school. Develop your own style, don’t follow trends. Don’t be too blatant, wearing a tube top and micro mini. Opt for a more elegant look, like a corsaged off shoulder blouse with skin tight pants. Same sensuality, different class.

Personally, I adore dresses and anything sheer. They cost me some money, yes, but it’s worth it to stand out in the crowd. What I don’t like however, are people who go partying in the same shit they wear to Bugis. If I was in charge, I’d make them queue up. FOREVER.

Therefore, sisters, go out and rule the world! We have time on our sides, it’ll be an awful shame to waste that.